Hi! I'm MDG.
I am an American woman in love with an Indian man. I moved to Bangalore, India July 25th, 2010, and am happy to be sharing my experiences with you!
Please don't hesitate to comment or contact me directly. I love both! 
Indian Men Who Date American Women
Lately I’ve been hearing a lot about relationships between American women and Indian men not working out and I’ve been asked for advice or my opinions on the matter. Truthfully, I don’t feel well equipped to answer such things. I met MIM very unexpectedly and simply got lucky I guess. I hadn’t done any research online, I hadn’t ever met anyone who dated an Indian, (come to think of it I had never even met an Indian before), and so I didn’t know the general opinion of Indian men as significant others. Perhaps if I did know things beforehand, I would have given MIM a harder time, questioning what his long term plans were, wondering if there were alternative motives and such. To this day, he has never given me any reason to.
My experience with an Indian man has been amazing and I would recommend it to any girl. MIM isn’t in any way abusive, doesn’t cheat, lie, hang out at bars or cuss. (Well, besides a few choice Hindi words!) He has always been attentive, supportive, patient, and caring. It is the only relationship I have ever had where I feel completely comfortable being me. We are equals and best friends and so much alike – despite having such different backgrounds. Yes, I did have to get used to the fact his family would not know about me right away, but I had to bite my lip and understand to the best of my ability how his culture worked. In time, when he knew I was serious and sticking around, he opened up to his family.
Initially I thought all Indian men must be like MIM and I figured if he and I didn’t end up working out in the long run I would continue dating Indians. Soon though, I realized it was not because he’s Indian that makes him so wonderful, but because he’s MIM. I really believe it comes back to his parents and the wonderful job they did raising him. Some cultural and religious influences definitely come into play too, like the respect he gives to others, his dedication to his studies, not touching a drop of alcohol, and being devoted to his family to name only a few.
Because I met and dated MIM in college, I was able to meet a lot of Indian/Pakistani friends of his – both Muslim and Hindu – and get to know them well enough to say it is not the country or religion that makes a man! Many of the guys take part in all the things I just stated MIM does not. Many of them have started relationships with white women knowing ultimately they would have an arranged marriage. Yes, hearts have been broken! I have seen many white girls come and go. Dating an Indian is not a guarantee to life long happiness.
Most days I can’t imagine going back to dating American men. I get the heebie-jeebbies just thinking about it! When I think of American men, I think of beer guzzling, football watching, commitment phobe, lying, cheats. But just because that happened to be MY experience with American men, doesn’t mean they’re all like that. It did take me some time to come to that conclusion! It’s just a matter of wading through all the wrong ones to find the right one. The same goes for Indian men.
I don’t know why some Indian men begin relationships with American women just to turn around and have an arranged marriage. The best answers would come from Indian men themselves and I would love to hear their point of view. Many of the guys I have come to know seem to dread their arranged marriage but ultimately do it for their parents. One of our friends who recently moved back to his home country said to me with such sadness, “Bhabhi, my parents have started looking for a girl for me to marry.” MIM has even stated numerous times that after experiencing love with me he can’t imagine having an arranged marriage. “What if we don’t have chemistry?” He asks; something he has never before thought of until after he experienced love.
@ G Parthasarthy
You Sir are a total looney.I am a Hindu brahmin and I love alcohol-What are you going to do about it?
I am proud of my roots and learn from the spiritual aspects of my traditions-I proudly wear a dhoti and even speak rusty sanskrit(I will soon take a Uni course on it) but that is where it ends……Western society, as you stated is more individually driver which appeals to me…..It should be about the individual and how and what they scribe to….I am extremely liberal-some of the issues I partake in on monthly basis(gay rights,pro-abortion,anti-religion) are not even on the radar for most Indians because Indians are a conservative lot-Nothing wrong there, but I personally cannot live with it(my brother is suffering from GID and I can only do so much but my society has all but destroyed him)…….In the end its about you as an INDIVIDUAL-Take the positives from every culture and mindset and live your life as good as you can
Cheerio
Rishi
Thats wonderful. I am an Indian man who is very interested in marrying a white woman(in US). It would be a plus is she knows & respects Indian culture. Contact me at akvhdl@gmail.com.
Hi,
I am wondering how I, an American, can ever trust an Indian guy again. After 9 years of being together, he has left me. We live in the US. Now his parents from India are keeping him company for a few weeks/months. The big issue was his parents visiting. I said it’s fine if they stay in our 1-bedroom with us for 1 week but not more, so he was going to find another apt. for them and told me he would live with them most of the time and I, who earn MUCH less than he does, should pay a few hundred $ extra each month for rent!! I refused because of the fact that he has not really been treating me in a good way lately. I think deep down he is depressed and misses India.
Here is my dilemma: I am still really attracted to Indian guys – how can I ever find one I can trust?!?!?!
Hi Sara,
He has to support you if he is interested for sure. Him having to spend time with his parents is reasonable, espcially for a family orientated indian guy, but to expect you to pay is just ignorance on his part or him exploiting you. The way you find an indian guy you can trust and one that treats you right is the same with any other guy, look at their actions as tbh as a guy am not always thinking when i talk and do like to just joke sometimes lol but judge me by my actions instead.
I agree with DesiDude Sara. Your bf is not a good one! There are many Indian guys you can trust. You just need to catch the warning signs early on and run quickly from the bad ones! I have always been thankful for my first relationship at 18. He was a total jerk and I was madly in love! After that ended, I always saw the warning signs and have only dated quality guys since. Some girls get addicted to the bad guys, but I realized it was NOT what I wanted and made better judgments. You will now too! Stay strong!
THANK YOU so much for your support!!! It’s great to know there are people in our world who care enough to take the time to write to a total stranger! I wish you the very best! MDG, this is a great website!
Sara, I was reading an advice column on thefrisky.com a few days ago and it dealt with a similar circumstance. A couple living together who are looking for a new place, they can’t afford a nice place because the writer’s bf wants to split the rent 50/50 despite the fact he makes about 15K more a year than her. The columnist gave very good advice, people fight and divorce over money so its good to know about it now. Even though the couple has no mention of being inter cultural, I think this is something all couples must figure out. Here is the link:
http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-dear-wendy-my-boyfriend-makes-a-lot-more-than-i-do/
Hi
I did read all these stuff and discussions, I dont want to talk about it because everything in life varies from individual to individual, no one had right to generalize the statements.
By the way why I am here because I am in love with one American girl, we met each other in starbucks and after that we had dating and now we are boyfriend and girlfriend.
Basically I am an Indian guy born and brought up in Indian village (more traditional), I know most of the American culture and my GF is ready to learn my Indian culture and wants to learn Hindi language. so far we have no issues and our relationship three months old.
Now the problem is to convince my parents who are illiterates and has lots of hope in me and relying on me to get married to an American girl, since I am the elder son- I have the whole family responsibility and I have been taking care of the family since from 2005, I dont know how to convince them and I dont want to break up with my gf for this reason. I tried convincing her about my situation she said its fine with her. And also I told her that I have to move to another country on my work for 2-3 years, she said she will wait for me.
I dont know how to convince my parents and they have bad opinion about the American woman (since they see all there movies and ads). They think that what if in case she leaves in middle of the life (because for every Indian marriage happens only once in life). If there anyone out there please help me out.
Now the problem is to convince my parents who are illiterates and has lots of hope in me and relying on me to get married to an American girl,
I am correcting my previous statement
Now the problem is to convince my parents to get married to an American girl, who are illiterates and has lost of hope in me and relying on me.
@Gowda, might I direct you to a post on GoriGirl.com by Gori’s husband: http://gorigirl.com/arranged-marriages-and-intercultural-relationships
It might help you to know that you are not the only one, many men must tell their families about the loves that their families didn’t pick for them, I think Aditaya gives very good advice in that post.
Afternoon all,
I haven’t been to America but I believe this thing doesn’t works. There are few people who keep their promises. There are a lot of problems with making a love with foreigner. Most of the parents here in Asia are reluctant in accepting a foreign girl unless they are relative. Though, I know a Pakistani friend, whose cousin got married with a Chinese girl (10 years ago), brought her in Pakistan and still going quite well. Lucky enough!
If I were in such a situation, either I would not make such a promise or I would not back. It really drives me nut, how can guys step back from their commitment, it’s called cheating.
Supreme Hacker, Dubai,
24june84@live.com
I’v taken my ‘western’ wife to court (Bangalore) over marital incompatibility but she appears blissfully ignorant and never shows up.
Adaptability and deep understanding of Indian values, cultural sensitivities are needed, without which eventually such relationships fall apart.
lostinlove: sorry to hear about your situation. I had a close friend that went through the same situation (only it was an American, Lithuanian relationship). I agree with your feelings on making things work. The understanding has to come from both sides as well.
@mdgYea, right…. When this country is just waking up to inter-regional marriages within urban folk, it’s pretty clear that there aren’t many big fans of inter-racial ones. So why do people try out something different that could be a bother? Let’s say love would perhaps be the only reason. An Indian partner would be rather convenient but may lack affection ??
Hate to say this (it can sound harsh), but some Indian guys date white women hoping to get sex or to earn “trophy points”. I’ve always hated the stereotype that white women are easy, but I’ve heard Indians say this behind closed doors. I’m talking about Indian men born and raised in the states, not necessarily the ones from India.
Indianwoman, you’re absolutely right. The stereotype is there and Indian men definitely use this to their advantage, Indian or American born. Of course, you know if you’ve been used and thrown to the curb. If an Indian man sticks around for years and is making a valuable effort, I think it’s safe to say he’s from a different school of thought.
MDG
Promiscuity of western women is fabled in India mostly because of movies and TV realty shows; no doubt all men who go there would just love to get laid. Very few achieve something towards this. This is because the stereotype falls flat on the face when they meet and get to know women at their workplace, clubs or simply online. I have no hesitation saying that the western women are more ‘open’ towards their approach towards any men because of their upbringing in a classless society.
Indian women are logically programmed by parents from childhood to carefully protect their dignity and social prestige by avoiding intimate encounters with Indian (or any) men before marriage. I say this with no prejudice at all towards Indian women. It’s a product of our hierarchical society, the concept of egalitarianism hasn’t seeped in yet. This could be a whole new topic. Glad you pointed this out. You could perhaps start another column to handle it.
@MDG @Indiawoman I think first, the mistake is to talk about American women as promiscuous, Americans are promiscuous. There isn’t any longer a “slut card” you hand to women while men are just being men. That being said, I think that if Indian men come here thinking they can laid any night of the week will learn quickly that is not the case and adjust themselves accordingly.
Though to pretend to be very interested in a woman just to have sex for an extended period of time is truly deplorable. Indian men out there doing this STOP! It is an extremely dishonest approach to life, these women, even if you think of them as promiscuous, have good hearts and you should not be exploiting that.
Deplorable to say the least; it could devastate someone. Remember though that sex without commitment is a universal vice by men of all races and age. Otherwise the oldest profession wouldn’t have survived time.
Take a walk down De wallen in Amsterdam if you visit Europe; you would be stunned by the beeline of westerners. Maybe they are breaking a few hearts back home.
“I don’t know why some Indian men begin relationships with American women just to turn around and have an arranged marriage.” ….aah because of people like you…
Have your wish sugar; just don’t wrap ur pea-sized brain around the universe.
@gallas
You do the same…
@gallas
BTW, my original comment was directed at MDG, not you. Second, I am an Indian married to an American woman, and I know what I am talking about. Third, you sound like a pompous ass.
Wrong No.! See, I’m hanging up … no more trippin
Hi MDG,
A typical Indian guy comes to United States for employment opportunities mostly. That means they have a family to care of back home. And you already know how important family is to an Indian man. For an Indian guy its always a conflict about whether to follow his heart or stick to the responsibilities or have fear of acceptance back home. Which is why they end up breaking hearts.
I will give you my experience of a relationship with an american girl. It lasted for only 3 months. Although she has all the qualities what I look for in a girl, I ended the relationship because she was a bit childish. We still are best friends though. During our relationship we had a few intimate moments but we never had sex. We both are still virgins and we both believe in sex after marriage. While I was in relationship I knew that my parents would not accept the relationship initially but eventually they will because they always respect the decisions I take. That’s why I was bold enough to date. For me it doesn’t matter who the girl is, indian or american, white, black or brown, as long as she is to my liking.
Forgot to mention, that girl has moved on and is dating another Indian guy (common friend). They both are really happy now. I am happy for her.