Lately I've been hearing a lot about relationships between American women and Indian men not working out and I've been asked for advice or my opinions on the matter. Truthfully, I don't feel well equipped to answer such things. I met MIM very unexpectedly and simply got lucky I guess. I hadn't done any research online, I hadn't ever met anyone who dated an Indian, (come to think of it I had never even met an Indian before), and so I didn't know the general opinion of Indian men as significant others. Perhaps if I did know things beforehand, I would have given MIM a harder time, questioning what his long term plans were, wondering if there were alternative motives and such. To this day, he has never given me any reason to.
My experience with an Indian man has been amazing and I would recommend it to any girl. MIM isn't in any way abusive, doesn't cheat, lie, hang out at bars or cuss. (Well, besides a few choice Hindi words!) He has always been attentive, supportive, patient, and caring. It is the only relationship I have ever had where I feel completely comfortable being me. We are equals and best friends and so much alike - despite having such different backgrounds. Yes, I did have to get used to the fact his family would not know about me right away, but I had to bite my lip and understand to the best of my ability how his culture worked. In time, when he knew I was serious and sticking around, he opened up to his family.
Initially I thought all Indian men must be like MIM and I figured if he and I didn't end up working out in the long run I would continue dating Indians. Soon though, I realized it was not because he's Indian that makes him so wonderful, but because he's MIM. I really believe it comes back to his parents and the wonderful job they did raising him. Some cultural and religious influences definitely come into play too, like the respect he gives to others, his dedication to his studies, his avoidance of drugs and alcohol, and being devoted to his family to name only a few.
Because I met and dated MIM in college, I was able to meet a lot of Indian/Pakistani friends of his - both Muslim and Hindu - and get to know them well enough to say it is not the country or religion that makes a man! Many of the guys take part in all the things I just stated MIM does not. Many of them have started relationships with white women knowing ultimately they would have an arranged marriage. Yes, hearts have been broken! I have seen many white girls come and go. Dating an Indian is not a guarantee to life long happiness.
I don't know why some Indian men begin relationships with American women just to turn around and have an arranged marriage. The best answers would come from Indian men themselves and I would love to hear their point of view. Many of the guys I have come to know seem to dread their arranged marriage but ultimately do it for their parents. One of our friends who recently moved back to his home country said to me with such sadness, "Bhabhi, my parents have started looking for a girl for me to marry." MIM has even stated numerous times that after experiencing love with me he can't imagine having an arranged marriage. "What if we don't have chemistry?" He asks; something he has never before thought of until after he experienced love.